I wish I had stayed longer with K. Why did I leave so soon!? I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t want to keep him knowing he was going to play badminton with his brother & probably had things to do. I was also conscious that when I arrived he was not ready as I had received his message too late asking to meet up later. I still wish I had stayed longer! Why do I always get this sense of intruding on people & not wanting to outstay my welcome all the time? Couple of hours & I begin to worry, begin to get anxious that I’m getting in the way. I guess I have a cold though & would feel awful if I passed it on.
It was so good to see him & hear his voice, even if only for a few hours, & I didn’t want to let go when I gave him a hug. I guess time will only tell if we are meant to be together.
On a different note, I feel better about myself & where I’m going in life. A few things have started to mentally click in to place for me & I’m getting a clearer picture of the direction I want to go. I started with writing a list of where I want to be (thinking physically/geographically), I then went on to write a list of things that make me who I am, what I love & need in life & then a list of what I want to do. I wrote everything down as it came to me without thinking about it & it has helped me to get a clearer idea of who I am, what I need & which direction to go.
This weekend has been a good one for me mentally, I feel. Even though my body is burnt out & still full of plane lurgie, & I haven’t done half as much as I could have done around the house, I have been brainstorming & the fog is now starting to clear – & having seen & heard from K I can stop doubting myself & just trust in visualisation, time & space.
I’m not looking forward to going back to work, especially having the extra unplanned days off, & I can only hope support will be forthcoming! I’ve heard it all before when I’ve had time off so, again, I can only hope however I know it certainly won’t be by tomorrow! I need to focus on getting a new job pronto! For now though I need my bed! It still feels like a luxury at the moment having only slept in one twice in the 2 weeks I was away! Not complaining, but I am now grateful for a bed to sleep on!
Mush's Musings 